Caroline (kittytech) wrote,


So yesterday I mentioned that my stomach was giving me some problems. I set
up an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning and spent the day
yesterday feeling pretty crappy. This morning things were better, and I
wanted to get some things done around here, least of all load and run the
dishwasher. That's happening now, but it's still been a frustrating day.

The clinic called me to inform me that my doctor was going to be out for the
rest of the week, and the next available appointment they'd have with
someone else wouldn't be until Friday. I suppose the argument could be made
that I've put up with this for about two months already, so what's two more
days going to hurt. But, at the same time, I'm the one waking up in the
middle of the night with some of the worst pain I've ever experienced with
my head hanging over the garbage can because I'm feeling like I'm going to
throw up. When it was just the pain that was one thing, but the nausea is a
bit more recent, with the first time being one night last month while I was
visiting Bruce. Usually things settle down fairly quickly, but it sure
didn't yesterday.

So, after telling me that the next available appointment would be Friday,
she mentioned that I could go to another branch of their clinic. Okay, fine.
But, this place is inside a shopping mall. I could get in tomorrow afternoon
if I do this. I know I can change my Para-Transit trip, but for some
completely unknown reason, I'm kind of freaking out about going to a new
clinic, but even more, about this mall thing. It's probably totally
irrational, but the Para-transit driver can't take me to the door because
they're not supposed to let the bus get out of sight, and going into the
mall would obviously mean not being able to see the bus. Malls, with their
high ceilings don't always make for the best navigation.

Let's add to all of this the fact that my stomach has started hurting again,
which means that it's now just become extra hard moving and bending. I did
manage to get the dishes going, but I don't have a clue what I'm going to
make myself for food once the dishes are done.

There's a big part of me that's tempted to just say screw the clinic
altogether and take a cab to the emergency room, but the cost of doing this
is a major concern, not to mention a memory of when I was five. My mom had
put a very hot bowl of soup in front of me and didn't tell me that it was
there. I did something with my hand and managed to spill the soup all over
and it really fried my right hand. My parents rushed me to the emergency
room and we were turned away because the clinic was still open. Even at five
years old, that's something that stuck with me, and I guess I feel like
people are going to tell me that I don't belong there or something. I don't

Maybe I'm just not thinking clearly after two fairly bad nights of sleep and
I'm making too big an issue out of all these changes, but I just don't know.
It's times like this when I wish I had someone to tell me what to do still
because I don't know what the best thing to do is. But at the same time, I'm
the only one who can assess how I feel, so ultimately, I suppose it's up to
me what I decide to do.

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