GUIDE CATS FOR THE BLIND
The word "futile" springs to mind. "Mission impossible": yes, that's the attempt to harness for mankind the intelligence of cats.
You made a basic error: now let me expound;
This "master-servant" thing's OK, but not that way around!
We don't do the faithful subject, we don't do the daily grind;
You should never have attempted this: guide cats for the blind.
Give Kitty so much trust, and we'll abuse the privilege:
You think you're going out - you're opening the fridge!
You think I'm trying to help you? I'm not serving man, but mammon:
You think you've gained a faithful friend - you've lost a plate of salmon!
I might leave you down the High Street: I'll be back when I have dined.
We get very, very hungry, being guide cats for the blind.
It can't be very pleasant - of this have little doubt -
To have your head stuck in a cat-flap, whether facing in our out.
You could be here a day or two, with half of you out in the rain;
I've got to go, I've things to do: maybe I'll pass this way again.
A dog would go for help: cats are not that way inclined;
Cats have better things to do than being guide cats for the blind.
Of some matters I am ignorant, but this I know for certain:
The best place for a blind man isn't halfway up a curtain!
Why do they have to be up on a roof at 4 a.m.?
It's a perfect place for me, but what's in it for them?
It was where I had to go, and he just tags along behind;
I don't know why: only a fool would follow guide cats for the blind.
I once met a man called Pavlov. From time to time he rang a bell.
Simple things make humans happy. But I have to say that, well,
I found it a disturbance, and, poor chap, I think he knew it,
And soon he only rang his bell when I wanted him to do it.
Did you ask for our assistance? If you did, well, we declined.
Here we are, an oxymoron: guide cats for the blind.